The Stuttering Believer

As a believer, I have a constant struggle with worldly acceptance/rejection; there is an almost irrational need to avoid rejection and court acceptance at a high cost. Why does this need exist? The scripture calls us as believers to be sanctified, set apart as holy, and consecrated, so why does the acceptance/rejection of the world matter? According to Dr. Kenneth Acha, MD, human beings have seven fundamental, finite and classifiable needs: Safety/security and survival, Understanding, Connection (love) and acceptance, Contribution/Participation, Esteem, Identity, Significance, Self-determination (Autonomy), Freedom, and Justice, Self-actualization and self-transcendence. Similarly, psychologist Abraham Maslow outlined a five-tier model which explains human needs arranged in a hierarchical order. Maslow’s theory suggests that individuals are motivated primarily to fulfill their basic needs before moving on to higher-level needs. These needs are typically depicted in a pyramid, with the most fundamental needs at the base and the more complex needs at the top, starting with basic survival needs and progressing to more complex, personal fulfillment needs. At the base of Maslow’s pyramid are physiological needs (food, water, shelter); above these are safety needs (security, stability) then love and belonging (relationships, social connections) then esteem (self-worth, respect from others), and at the top, self-actualization (personal growth, achieving one’s full potential). The order of these needs can vary based on individual circumstances. 

The apostle Paul writes in Galations 1:10 “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Here, Paul emphasizes that seeking human approval leads us away from the core of our identity as followers of Christ. God’s approval, which is unwavering and based on grace, should be our focus. This unwavering and grace-based approval of God provides us with a sense of reassurance and security in our faith. Seeking acceptance from the world is therefore fundamentally flawed because it draws us away from our true identity in God. This desire for acceptance can feel addictive, like a “drug,” in that we may compromise or adjust our behaviour to fit in or feel affirmed by others. However, this is often fleeting and superficial. I am certainly guilty of this ten times over. As an unpopular kid for most of my formative years, I was possessed with an unwavering motivation to become a part of the cool crowd. My speech impediment made me stick out like a sore thumb which was a deep source of resentment for me, an only child trying to figure out how I fit in. In high school this motivation became even stronger as being different had seemingly worse social consequences. I yearned to be one of those guys that everybody else looked up to and all the girls liked. One of the guys that everybody want to be around instead of feeling merely tolerated. The cool kids smoked weed and drank alcohol so I convinced myself that was the key to me becoming one of them. The fact that I stuttered a lot less when I had a few drinks in me seemes to confirm those warped ideas I had in my head. 

As believers, many of us grapple with a tension between intellectual knowledge and heart-level belief. We can understand the significance and meaning of God’s love on an intellectual level, while our hearts may still cling to feelings of inadequacy, shame, or rejection, often due to past experiences of hurt or abandonment. This heart-head disconnect is addressed in Romans 7:15-25, where Paul speaks about the struggle between knowing what is right but still struggling with sin: “For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.” This highlights that the human condition is plagued with knowing one thing intellectually, while emotionally and behaviorally living contrary to that knowledge. Many believers are familiar with the passage in  Romans 12: 2 “ Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”;  but few fully understand that this transformation being referenced by Paul is not just about learning facts about God, but requires a heart transformation, which only the Holy Spirit can bring. In Ephesians 1:4-6, we see that true acceptance and validation come from God, “For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love, he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.”

Experiencing rejection is a painful part of life, it can cause us to question our very purpose for existing, but Christ Himself endured the ultimate rejection for the sake of all of humanity. In Isaiah 53:3, the prophecy about Jesus says:“He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.” Through His suffering and rejection, Jesus provides comfort to those who feel rejected by others, like myself, an awkward stutterer who was told he didn’t belong. He identifies with that pain and, through His resurrection, offers a new identity that is based on God’s eternal love rather than on fluctuating subjective human opinions. This is a source of hope and encouragement for all of us who struggle with seeking acceptance from the world.

Reflecting on our inherent need for acceptance, it’s clear that human nature gravitates toward fulfilling fundamental needs like connection, belonging, and esteem. However, as believers, we are called to be set apart, finding our ultimate identity and worth in Christ, not in the world’s validation. It’s essential to examine where we seek our significance and remind ourselves of God’s call to sanctification. So, ask yourself: Are you seeking approval from the world, or are you striving to walk in the acceptance that comes from God alone?