The Stuttering Believer

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. – “Romans 3:23-24”

I remember vividly the set of events that ultimately led to me giving my life to Christ but first let me give a bit of the back story. 

Fresh out of university and earning my own money I did what most of my young professional colleagues did, we hit the social scene, the popular bars and night spots and tried as we could to attend all the latest parties. It was all about being young and enjoying life with no thought of Christ anywhere in the picture. As I moved up the professional ranks the stakes got higher. My life became the perfect contradiction, things seemed to be on track by professional & societal standards in the open yet looming in the dark shadows was a battle with alcoholism and a treasure trove of bad decisions. This ultimately led to an emptiness within that I couldn’t ignore—a longing for something more, something meaningful.

My search for something more meaningful sent me further into the bottle and further down the path of immorality. With immense drinking came immense partying and womanizing, which by then had become my routine. The more effort I would put in at work was the more effort I put into drinking, partying, and fornicating. Not surprisingly my decision making was equally bad and I started getting into more and more trouble. Even after being banned from popular night spots in Kingston for drunken behaviour, I was so far gone that all this meant to me was that I needed to find new places to drink. I would have successful stints in Alcoholics Anonymous, only to be back drinking again soon after. A coworker even suggested that I get counselling after smelling alcohol coming through my pores first thing on a Monday morning. Luckily, she was able to intercept me before my boss and suggested that I go back home and get sober, she would tell my superiors that I became ill and had to leave. As my drinking progressed, and my decisions got worse my feelings of shame got even deeper and my emotional, physical and mental states had all sunken to a very low place. Seeing the frustration and pain I had been putting my mother through, every time she had to bail me out of a bad situation resulting from my drinking, made me feel even worse. 

The turning point in my life occurred one Wednesday in September of 2023, while working remotely, sitting at home on my comfortable sofa, typing away on my laptop keyboard. The afternoon sun filtered through the curtains, casting a warm, golden hue over the room. I had no idea that I was about to experience the most profound experience in my life thus far.  A stern, loud and clear voice in my head asked me “Is this it…Is this what your life is going to be?…”. I recognized immediately that this voice was not of my own making but was obviously divine. This was the voice of God speaking in a frequency that I was broken enough to hear. Goosebumps sprung up all over my body and I started sweating profusely as I tried to process what was happening.  In that moment I made a promise that I would go to church that Sunday and do what I needed to do to give my life to Christ. The enemy after witnessing this, continued his plot to take control of my soul by convincing me to go out drinking with friends that Friday evening, but the voice of God resoundingly reminded me of my promise and after about 10 minutes I was back home, more convicted about giving my life to God than I had ever been about anything in my life.

So, as I promised on Sunday September 10, 2023, I went to church in time for the second service. Every note of that Sunday’s sermon hit me deep to my core, in that moment I felt like I could relate to Mitch Green when he faced onslaught of jabs to the ribs from Mike Tyson. The praise and worship team turned my eyes to sprinkler systems with their choice of songs. By the end of the service I was an emotional wreck. I was introduced to two gracious gentlemen who guided me through my confession that Jesus is Lord and I accepted Jesus as my lord and saviour right then and there.  I was told that the next step was baptism for which I was extremely excited. I would have my wish granted on September 23^rd, just about 2 weeks after accepting Christ, I was baptised.

My life changed for the better that day in so many ways I cannot even begin to put them all into words. Today, I stand proudly as a living testimony to the power of God’s love. An alcoholic womaniser fixated on the pleasures of the world has been transformed into a gracious, humble student of the lord. My destructive cravings have been replaced with eagerness to get to closer to Christ, whose salvation brought me back from the brink of despair and depression and gave me a new life. I am motivated by the purpose that God has for me and devoted to expanding his kingdom.